Too Old to Start Over? The Truth About Limiting Beliefs in Midlife

Think you’re too old to start over? Think again. In this episode, Eimear unpacks the limiting beliefs that keep midlife women small — and shows you how to rewrite them so you can step into confidence, freedom, and possibility.

Eimear shares her own story of starting over in her 40s, feeling embarrassed to be a beginner again, and battling the inner voice that whispered, “Who do you think you are?” You’ll discover why these beliefs feel so real, how they shape your self-concept, and the simple practices you can use to loosen their grip and create a new story.

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Transcript

October 1 episode
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[00:00:00] Welcome back to Girl, choose Yourself, and I'm Eimear Zone, your host. Today, we're diving into something that shapes really every part of our lives, from our work, our relationships, how we experience every moment, every day of our lives, and that is our beliefs. In particular, we are going to be talking about limiting beliefs.

Those little stories that we tell ourselves about ourselves, about what's possible for us, that keep us small, that keep us doubting, that keep us in retreat. Often stories like: I'm too old. It's too late. I'm not enough, I'm not smart enough. I'm not [00:01:00] attractive enough. I'm not thin enough. Who do I think I am?

And the stories that we tell ourselves that keep us small, they sound like facts. They sound like they're true to us because they're so familiar to us, but they're not. We mix up that which is familiar and we believe it's true. And really they're just beliefs, and beliefs can be rewritten, and I think we overcomplicate this a lot, and one of the limiting beliefs that we have is that I can't change my beliefs.

Or I'd just be faking it or it doesn't really work. It's too late to change the way I do things. Like you can't teach an old dog new tricks or some bollocks like that. And today we're really gonna look at that in more [00:02:00] detail and really turn it upside down and inside out. I, you know, when I was in my forties, and if you've read, my most recent book, you'll know this story,

My family, we moved from the uk where we had been very established, very happy, and we moved from my husband's job, uh, from a small, beautiful country village in Cambridge in the UK to Miami in Florida. So. A huge change like new country, new culture, and new schools for three, uh, my three kids, and suddenly there I was.

No friends there. Totally starting from scratch. No network. No time for myself because my kids needed a huge amount more focus and support than they would've done if we'd stayed in the UK because I needed to support them in the [00:03:00] transition. They were, you know, nurturing these new friendships so that they could integrate and

feel happy and be okay. And anyone who's listening who's a parent knows that if your kids are struggling or this they're not happy, or things aren't going well, well, that you can't really even begin to be thinking about what you want or what you need yourself. It really is all about them. But when things kind of fell into a rhythm, finally, and I could kind of take a breath and look around myself, I felt like I felt really lost.

I did, I felt like, what the hell am I going to do here? And lots of unhelpful thoughts and really a sense that I wasn't really clear on where my place was, where I belonged, or what was possible for me in this new environment. And I really didn't see myself very clearly, and I had to [00:04:00] start again. I had to start again.

And honestly, I didn't want to. I didn't want to, and I was very avoidant, and it all felt very uncomfortable. And to be honest, I kind of felt very embarrassed about the idea of starting again and finding something totally new in a place that was totally new to me. It felt like really risky. And it felt like far too vulnerable to be at 40, whatever age I was, four or five, trying something, trying something new. It really felt very difficult, and that's why I avoided it for so long.

And, you know, slipped very close to being quite depressed. [00:05:00] And, it took me a while to decide that the discomfort of not doing anything was more than the discomfort of doing something. And it reminds me of that, that quote. And I never knew how to pronounce this woman's name, Anais Nin, I think. And this is the quote; 

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

And that sounds a lot artier and beautiful and more poetic than it actually felt because it just felt really horrible. It felt painful to stay. Small and avoidant and not try anything new. But that pain was more than the pain of the idea of trying something new and not giving into the [00:06:00] fear.

I just, it just became unbearable. And so little by little, I did start again. I did start looking at new possibilities. And I'm not going to go into the long story of that. You'll see it in my book, and I'll share it another time. But I started really by daring to call myself an entrepreneur, which seemed an outrageous thing to do.

It really evokes that. Who do you think you are? You're not an entrepreneur. That's for other people who are much more sparkly, interesting, and talented than you are. And then I stepped into. I'm an author and wrote that first book, the Little Book of Good Enough, and then trained to be a coach, and then became a coach, and then a mindfulness teacher.

But each time I was doing that, I was really stepping into a new identity, and that old voice would Eimearge [00:07:00] each time. Like, who do you think you are? You can't do that. All of these limiting beliefs that were trying to keep me in a box of this smaller self, this identity that didn't, you know, wasn't an entrepreneur, wasn't a writer, wasn't an author, wasn't a bestselling author, for sure, wasn't a coach, wasn't a successful coach, even if she was a coach.

All of these things, I came across up against them all the time. These limiting beliefs are these fear-based stories that we mistake for truth, and when we allow them to run the show, we really lose out on the fullness of our lives. And for me, really, I was very sad. I was very, [00:08:00] very unhappy when I was uprooted, and I was first in America and had that kind of dramatically isolating experience that really forced me to have to do something.

And then not doing something, giving in to fear, was just intolerable after a while. So these stories that we tell ourselves that limit us, and that we mistake for the truth. You know, they, where do they come from? They come from our past, our families of origin, the experiences that we had growing up. They come from our culture.

They come from those influential adults, from our childhood and our youth, and they get repeated so often. That we mistake them for who we are. We mistake them for our identity and the truth [00:09:00] about us, and some of the most common ones for midlife women are things like I kind of touched into in that story about when I was in Miami.

You know, like I've missed my chance. Like it's too late to start over. That was huge for me. It's too late to start over. It is embarrassing to be taking a risk and reinventing yourself in the 40 in your forties. Don't be drawing attention to yourself. That's, you know, it's dangerous to draw attention to yourself and to put yourself out there and to be visible.

People are going to receive you negatively. I need to stay in my lane. I'm selfish for wanting more. That was big for me. I thought, here you are. You're in this beautiful house. You've got a pool in your backyard. You're living what many people would think is a perfect life. You know what more could you want?

You just support your children, and that [00:10:00] should be fulfilling.

If I hadn't figured it out by now, it's never going to happen. That was another one. If you were going to be. A writer, you would've done it earlier. You would've done it sooner. There would've been some evidence that that was a direction that was okay for you, or that you should go in. There would be some evidence from your path that would say that it was okay for you to take that risk and to take that direction.

So any of that familiar? Have you recognized yourself in any of those sorts of internal messages that may have cropped up for you whenever you have just entertained the idea of doing something that's outside the identity that you've grown most familiar inhabiting? Because I believe that when we, [00:11:00] what happens when we believe these limiting stories about ourselves is we.

We start to abandon ourselves, and I mean that in the negative sense of self-abandonment. Like we shape shift, we separate ourselves from our authentic, true selves. We quiet our true voice and we smooth over our edges that others might find not so palatable, so that we'll fit in, so that we'll be liked.

So that we don't rock the boat and make other people uncomfortable. And it's like that, that old metaphor of the frog in water, you know, the heat gets turned up slowly and you don't even notice until it's too late. And then you know, the frog is boiled. And in [00:12:00] the same way we can slowly abandon our true selves little by little.

Our authenticity, our dreams. Until one day we wake up and we think, where did I go? We feel like we've dis, we feel like we've disappeared. We don't know ourselves. But there's another side to this idea of self-abandonment that is actually really beautiful, and that is, you know, what if we abandoned. Not our true selves, but our false selves.

The version built on those limiting beliefs, too old, not enough. Invisible, incapable, positive self-abandonment is letting go of that smaller identity so we can live from a new and true identity or self concept, [00:13:00] one that reflects. Our dreams fulfilled, and it's the moment that you step into, you know, I'm the kind of woman who chooses herself.

I am capable. I am worthy. I am here to take up space. I deserve to be here. It's natural for me to be here. I am taking up more space. That's not abandoning yourself. That's abandoning the lie. That's abandoning the false self, that's abandoning the mask, that's abandoning those limiting beliefs that keep us small.

So how do we start loosening the grip of these limiting beliefs? Well, mindfulness gives us some tools here, and I want to share with you just a few questions that you can use to reflect upon. When you feel that you're in the grip of a [00:14:00] belief that is limiting you and signaling to you that you need to step back from opportunity, and it's keeping you small.

So ask yourself, what am I believing right now? What am I believing right now?

And allow some space for the answer to surface. Then ask, is it really true what I'm believing? Or is it just familiar?

And then, as you continue this inquiry, just noticing how does it feel in my body to live with this belief?

Because beliefs tend to have a physiological signature, and we really want to know them.[00:15:00] 

And then we ask ourselves, what does this part of me most need?

And often it's a simple reassurance or acceptance or love. And then my favorite sort of final reflection in this sequence is: Who would I be without this belief? Who would I be without this belief that's limiting me and keeping me small? Who is she to? Even pausing to ask these questions creates some space and it, and in that space, truth can emerge.

Possibility can emerge,

And I think this is why our self [00:16:00] concept, who we believe ourselves to be, is so, so important. Your beliefs about yourself form your self-concept, and if your beliefs about yourself are. Very limiting. Well then, it is very difficult to live into a future that contradicts those beliefs because your self-concept shapes your results.

It is what you live into. And if your self-concept says, I'm someone who. Always play small. I'm someone who doesn't take risks. I'm someone who doesn't stand out. I'm someone who doesn't like to stand out. I'm someone who doesn't [00:17:00] share their truth. Then your choices and your life reflect that. I. And this, I believe, is so fundamental to, you know, choosing ourselves, to creating the lives that we are here to truly live, that are a reflection of the full possibility, the full creative possibility of who we are.

And this is the work of. The confidence key program that I have, which is rooted in this upgrading of yourself concept, so that you stop living from the version of you that [00:18:00] doubts, that second-guesses that belittles yourself, and you start living from the version of you that is grounded. In that full expression of every ounce of created possibility that lives in you as your birthright.

So here's a practice that you can, so here's a practice that you can try right now if it's safe to do so. I'd ask you to gently close your eyes.

Take a couple of deep grounding breaths just coming into this moment, coming into your body, noticing the sensation [00:19:00] of that breath as you inhale and exhale.

And now, bringing to mind one belief that you've been carrying for a long time. A belief that's limited you, but that feels very familiar to you. Maybe it's a belief about your age, a belief about your physical form. Maybe it's a belief about your abilities. Your worth.

Now notice how that belief, as you hold it in the spotlight of your attention, I want you to notice how it feels in your body.

[00:20:00] Maybe you feel it in your throat, your chest.

Maybe it's a tightness in your jaw. Just noticing.

And now ask yourself, who would I be without this belief?

Can you sense the spaciousness, the lightness, the freedom in that inquiry?

allowing her. To finally be seen.[00:21:00] 

This is not wishful thinking or fantasy. This is you without the baggage, without the beliefs that don't belong

And taking a deep, cleansing, full breath, and a beautiful exhale, and opening your eyes again.

Midlife is not too late. It's never, ever, ever too late. Midlife is really our moment. Yes, we need to stop abandoning our true selves to please others. And yes, we also need to positively abandon those false limiting selves, the ones built on fear, because the [00:22:00] truth is the self that you long to be is already inside you waiting for you to choose her.

And it's like we've been cheating on her for far too long. We've been denying her, ignoring her, and enough! Oh my God, enough! Let's not do that shit anymore. Life is too short. Too short, and you are too valuable, too. Two magnificent, amazing, beautiful to do that anymore.

So here is my challenge for you this week, beautiful friend. I want you to notice just one limiting belief. I want you to notice one belief that is holding you back that doesn't serve you. [00:23:00] It comes from a place of fear. Smallness just doesn't belong. I want you to write it down and then write. It's the opposite of the truth you want to live into, and I want you to read that out loud every morning this week as though it's already yours.

And if you're ready to go deeper, to really step into the self-concept that will carry you into your next chapter, why don't you come and book a Breakthrough Call with me, the link you will find in the show notes, because you do not need permission. You are the powerful one, and you just need to choose yourself.

Thank you so [00:24:00] much for listening today, and if this spoke to you, why not send it to a friend, someone who you feel needs to be reminded of just how bloody amazing they are. You know, we're all storytellers and the mind is wired for story, and we've just been telling ourselves some pretty shitty stories for a very long time.

What if we told ourselves much, much better stories? What might happen then? Why not find out? Why not bet on a better story? That's it for this week. You're amazing. You're amazing. If no one has told you that today, you are. Have a wonderful rest of your week, and be gentle with yourself. And I will see you next time.

Bye.