From Prison Cell to Personal Power: Rebuilding Self-Worth After Betrayal

From Prison Cell to Personal Power: Rebuilding Self-Worth After Betrayal

After discovering her husband's multiple affairs, Nicole Banks found herself frozen with pain – unable to eat, sleep, or function. What followed was a journey through rock bottom that included divorce, depression, a serious error in judgment that led to prison time, and ultimately, a powerful path to reclaiming her self-worth. In this raw and inspiring conversation, Nicole shares how she went from feeling utterly lost to building a thriving coaching practice helping other women heal from divorce trauma.

EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS

[00:02:00] Awareness of being completely disconnected from herself after divorce 

[00:05:00] Growing up in a strict religious household and entering a marriage directed by her father 

[00:13:36] Finding freedom after leaving both her marriage and religious community 

[00:17:32] Discovering her husband's repeated affairs over an eight-year period 

[00:23:52] The rock bottom moment that led to poor choices and legal consequences [

00:31:38] Nicole's experience of embezzlement, arrest, and being sentenced to prison 

[00:39:23] The powerful daily practice that helped her survive incarceration 

[00:52:12] Finding authentic love with a partner who values integrity and trust 

[00:55:11] Building a coaching practice to help women heal after divorce

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• When experiencing emotional trauma, we can become completely frozen and disconnected from ourselves
• Making choices based on others' expectations rather than our own desires can lead to profound unhappiness
• Trusting your intuition is vital even when others try to convince you otherwise
• During your darkest moments, focusing on "winning the day" can help rebuild mental strength
• Self-forgiveness is essential for moving forward after making serious mistakes

QUOTABLE MOMENTS

"I was numb. I was frozen like ice... I couldn't function. I couldn't put sentences together. I was truly like the word truly frozen in fear of anything moving forward, sideways, or backwards."

"I asked myself, what can I do every day to win the day? I've got to win the day... The only thing that they leave you with [in prison] are your thoughts."

"When you choose yourself, you love everything around you. If you truly love [others], you have to love yourself first."

PRACTICAL TOOLS

• Win the Day Ritual: Each morning, set an intention for how you want to show up. Each evening, ask yourself "What did I do well today?" and "What could I have improved upon?"
• Turning Down the Volume: Practice reducing both the external noise (distractions) and internal noise (negative self-talk) to regain clarity
• The Gratitude Addition: Add "What am I grateful for today?" to your evening reflection to shift perspective
• Relationship Deposits: Make intentional acts of care and kindness toward your important relationships

GUEST CONTACT

Nicole Banks - Divorce recovery coach helping women heal after heartbreak 

Website: https://nicholebanks.com/

Podcast: https://nicholebanks.com/podcast

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/msnicholebanks/

CONNECT WITH EIMEAR

📱 Instagram: @eimearzonecoach

💻 Website: eimearzone.com 📧

Email: hello@eimearzone.com

Subscribe to Girl, Choose Yourself on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

© 2025 Eimear Zone Coaching. All rights reserved.

Transcript

From Prison Cell to Personal Power: Rebuilding Self-Worth after Betrayal

Host: Hello, Nicole. Thank you so much for being here. I'm so excited to have you on the podcast. Finally. How are you today?

Nichole B: I am doing so good. Thank you so much for allowing me to share my story and my insights with your audience. I always appreciate it.

Host: Thank you! I just know we're going to have such an amazing conversation, and it's really going to serve so many people. It kind of blew my mind when we first connected, and you began to share your powerful journey. We're like twins practically—we're both 55, we've had interesting journeys, and I just want to start by asking, when did you first get a sense that you were off track or disconnected from yourself?

Nichole B: I love this question because I always teach and coach my clients that the first step is awareness. What are you thinking? What are you feeling? What are your action steps? What results are you getting or not getting? My first awareness of being completely disconnected was shortly after my divorce. I was numb. I was frozen. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, and I couldn’t function. I was truly frozen in fear—fear of moving forward, sideways, or backward. I was afraid of the phone ringing, the doorbell, anything.

At some point, the hours became days, then weeks, then months, and nothing had changed because nothing had changed. And that’s when I started asking myself, “What do I need to do to get out of this?”

Host: Take us back a little because you’re married again now, but this was your first marriage. You came from a conservative background, and you mentioned feeling like you weren’t fully engaged in making that choice for yourself. Tell us more about that.

Nichole B: Yes, I’ve been married and divorced twice, and now I’m with a partner of 11 years. We’re not married, but we’re happily engaged, and love is good. But let me go back to the first marriage. I was brought up in a Jehovah’s Witness household—a very strict religious environment. My mother was deeply involved, while my father was supportive but not as committed.

When I got married for the first time, it was really under my dad’s guidance and direction. He believed it was the right thing for me to do. In a household like mine, the next step after high school wasn’t college or career—it was marriage and family. But I didn’t want that. I never wanted to be a homemaker or have children. I wanted something different for myself.

At 18, I moved to Portland, but eight months later, I found myself pregnant. The first thing I did was go home. Under my parents’ guidance, I had my daughter out of wedlock, and my dad knew someone who was stable and of the faith. I met and married him within three months. I did all the wifely duties—making sure meals were on time, beds were made, everything perfect. But one night, lying next to him, I realized I didn’t even know this man. I was in a marriage that didn’t feel like mine.

It took me four more years to leave. When I did, I not only broke the code of marriage in the Jehovah’s Witness faith, but I was also disfellowshipped—cut off from my family and community. But I knew there had to be something else out there for me.

Host: That’s a huge transition. You were forced to create a new life for yourself. Tell us about that next important step.

Nichole B: It was liberating. I didn’t have to be anywhere Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, or Sunday for religious meetings. But with that freedom came extreme vulnerability. I wasn’t street-smart. I didn’t understand real-world relationships, boundaries, or even simple things like celebrating holidays.

At 25, with a five-year-old daughter, I got a job, started making friends, and experienced things for the first time—going to clubs, dancing, dating. It was all new, and I loved it.

I eventually met someone I chose for myself. He was charismatic, complicated, and going through a divorce. He was everything I thought I wanted—smart, witty, adventurous. But over time, I started noticing red flags—working late, new cologne, different clothes. My intuition was screaming at me. When I confronted him, he denied everything—until I finally got undeniable proof.

Host: That’s such a painful realization. How did you move forward after that betrayal?

Nichole B: I hit rock bottom. My dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, my daughter was finishing high school, and my marriage was crumbling. One night, I found proof on his phone. I confronted him, and after a long silence, he finally admitted it. That was the moment I knew it was over.

I left and started over again. But I was frozen. I stopped paying bills, let everything slide. One day, I saw something on TV that asked, “What are you doing with your life today?” I looked around at the mess and realized I had to get up and do something.

In my desperation, I made a terrible decision. I was the treasurer of a nonprofit and embezzled money to keep myself afloat. It was completely out of character, but I wasn’t thinking straight. I was caught, sentenced to 54 months in prison, and taken into custody immediately.

Host: That’s such a huge moment. How did you get through that time?

Nichole B: Every day, I asked myself, “What did I do well today? What could I improve upon?” That simple practice kept me grounded. I focused on controlling my thoughts because that was the only thing I had power over.

I served 20 months, 16 days, and 5 hours. The programs in prison helped me work through my cognitive thinking. It was a daily battle, but I chose to win each day.

Host: That is such an incredible transformation. Where did that journey of self-commitment lead you?

Nichole B: It led me to where I am today. Personally, I took time to heal, travel, and be with myself. Eventually, I met Jeff, my partner of 11 years. He is kind, supportive, and everything I never thought to look for before. I had to grow into the woman who could choose him.

Professionally, I became a coach in 2015. I help divorced women heal, regain their self-worth, and build a life they love. I’ve written a book and launched a podcast, sharing my journey to help others.

Host: That’s beautiful. Finally, what does choosing yourself mean to you?

Nichole B: Choosing yourself means loving yourself first. When you love yourself, you have more energy, a positive mindset, and you shine. That light touches everyone around you. If you truly love the people in your life, you have to choose yourself first.

Host: That is so powerful. Thank you so much, Nicole. Where can listeners find you?

Nichole B: They can visit my website, nicholebanks.com, listen to my podcast, or find me on social media.

Host: Amazing. Thank you again for sharing your incredible story.

Nichole B: Thank you!