Who Does She Think She Is? (Owning Your Right To Want More)

"Who does she think she is?" Whether you've heard this about others or wrestled with this question yourself, this critical voice often shows up right when we're about to do something bold. In this episode, we explore why this questioning voice appears (especially for women), where it really comes from, and most importantly - how to move past it. You'll learn three practical strategies for handling self-doubt when it arises, discover why wanting more doesn't conflict with gratitude, and gain tools for taking up more space in the world unapologetically. If you've ever felt the tension between playing small and stepping into your full potential, this episode is for you.

EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS

00:00 Introduction: Embracing Self-Discovery

00:50 Facing the Inner Critic

01:15 Stepping into the Spotlight

03:50 Societal Expectations and Gender

06:53 Personal Anecdotes and Reflections

13:57 Practical Steps to Overcome Self-Doubt

17:32 Building Evidence of Your Success

24:16 Conclusion: Embracing Your Power

KEY TAKEAWAYS

- The critical voice often appears right before breakthroughs

- Taking up space as a woman isn't typically encouraged, but it's essential

- Wanting more doesn't conflict with gratitude

- Early talents often get buried but can be rediscovered

- Others' discomfort with your growth isn't a signal to stay small

QUOTABLE MOMENTS

"Everybody deserves to live into the full expression of themselves. I believe it's why we're here."

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."

PRACTICAL TOOLS

1. Name it to Tame it - Recognize the limiting voice

2. Answer with Action - Take one small step forward

3. Create Evidence - Build your "Damn I'm Fabulous" list

RESOURCES

🎁 FREE Path to Purpose Quiz: Take the quiz!

📚 Choose Yourself Book: Get the book!

⏱️ The 15 Minute Shift ($27): Give yourself the gift of clarity - your first brave step forward in less than the time it takes to scroll social media. Discover The Shift!

CONNECT WITH EIMEAR

📱 Instagram: @eimearzonecoach

💻 Website: eimearzone.com 📧

Email: hello@eimearzone.com

Subscribe to Girl, Choose Yourself on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

© 2025 Eimear Zone Coaching. All rights reserved.

Transcript

 Hello, and welcome back to another episode of Girl Choose Yourself.  So who does she think she is?  I wonder if you've ever said that before, or you've been in company and heard it said.  Or maybe it's an internal voice, like, who do I think I am?  It's amazing how familiar that can be. That kind of questioning of who we are. 

Anytime we kind of step into a bigger arena, we take a chance on ourselves, and we decide to step into another domain where we've not been invited necessarily, but we issue the invitation to ourselves.  And today I want to look at that voice and where it comes from and how we deal with it. Because I think once you start choosing yourself and really living into a bigger,  a bigger creative expression for yourself, of yourself, it comes up.  It comes up.  

I remember years ago when I was first dipping my toe into the entrepreneurial domain, I set up, an online social enterprise. And  I wasn't sure what it was going to be or how to do it or anything else, but it was that first stepping out of,  yeah, into a spotlight where other people were going to be seeing me, taking a chance on myself and trying something new that I didn't really know how to do. 

And I ran that online store - It was products by women for women, giving back to a women's charity. And it kind of ticked a lot of boxes for me in areas of interest. But ultimately it wasn't financially successful. It wasn't something that I wanted to continue and do.

And I shut it down about three years into it. But I learned an awful lot from it. But one of the things that I remember from that experience was like, oh, I'm now in this more public domain. And friends and family and acquaintances and people are seeing me doing this thing and, it felt risky. 

And I remember one time, and it was some family member looking through my website when I was around and kind of, for sport, taking out a, somewhere where I'd had a typo in my copy and so it was a little bit comical how it came out, how it was expressed, and kind of pulling this up on their phone and laughing about it in my company, and I was like, Wow, interesting. Yeah, why didn't you just send me an email and tell me, Hey, I found a mistake on your site, maybe you'd like to fix it. 

But it was sort of,  you know, that was a, Who Do You Think You Are? sort of a little bit of chastising, ridiculing me. You stepped out of where, I normally see you and maybe where I think you belong. 

And so it's risky. It's risky, this choosing ourselves. Emotionally risky. Because people are going to have things to stay, to say about it.  And it can feel uncomfortable. It can definitely feel uncomfortable. And it is like a muscle that we, that we need to  - and I think particularly as women when we try maybe new and ambitious things, when we step into an area where people aren't used to seeing us, it can, it can feel particularly risky. 

We can meet not, you know, it's even more uncomfortable than hearing it from people who we don't know is like hearing it from people who we do know and also hearing it from other women. Like, Who Does She Think She Is? Because it can be threatening for friends or peers or acquaintances to see us taking a risk and kind of saying, ‘You know what?I want more!’

And it almost feels like there's this broader context in society of trying to control women's appetites. Women wanting to take up more space in the world is generally not really overtly encouraged. And  I think that all plays into the messages that we have sort of taken on  ourselves and that kind of live within us.

And I, I felt that when I was beginning my journey, and I feel it, I feel it still, and I see it mirrored in society when I see women who have a lot of attention and spotlight on them, and they come in for different types of critiques than their male counterparts might. And just thinking about a few examples, maybe I think  Taylor Swift is sometimes labeled “difficult” for standing up to industry practices or called “calculating”, when she's very business savvy.  And you know, there's the classic ones when you think about prominent female politicians, where they're faced with the kind of likeability trap, that they're not likable that they're too ambitious, and ambition is seen as a negative.

So I think a lot of us sort of subconsciously absorb that or maybe not subconsciously we're just aware of it so it feels much more risky to sort of take a chance on ourselves and to move into a domain and you know put the spotlight on ourselves and say I'm going to take a chance and do this thing and do this creative expression or take up this new identity that I want to grow into that I want to learn about and and just try out. 

And  I found that too when I  was when I published my first book, The Little Book of Good Enough, and  I was, I remember I was working with this company and they send you, you're about to launch the book, and they sent me some little kind of swag stuff. And one of the things was like this coffee cup with ‘author’ written on it. And I was going,  well, I've written a book, but I don't know whether I can quite call myself an author. Like, Who Des She Think She Is?  

It's amazing. You can be somebody who's written a book or two books and you can find it difficult to say.  So you have to, for me, I feel that it's okay, I acknowledge that that's new territory and it feels a little bit tricky for me to own.

And that's just the way it's going to, that's just the way it's going to be. It's just going to feel like that. And that I'm going to have to become more comfortable with it by just repeating. it to myself and owning it. I think you have to claim the territory.  And when I was writing my second book, Choose Yourself, I came across, and I talk about it in the book, I came across this, and I have it in front of me now, an old school report.

And it was from, the date on it is the 30th of June 1977. So a few years ago. I'm 55, do the math. I can't do the math actually, in my head, but do the math. I was pretty young.  And here is the comment from the section on English. And it says, excellent.  Excellent reading and spelling, written work coming on very well, has a flair for writing, which should be encouraged. 

And I read that and I hadn't, I had no recollection of ever being told that I was a good writer or that, that was an area that I,  that I should maybe focus more on. It just disappeared from whatever little flicker of attention that it got when I was that young.  And I suspect for you too,  there are areas  that you were interested in, that you received sort of positive feedback on when you were younger, that were of interest to you, and they just layburied, and you've forgotten about them. 

And as we all do, we kind of get into the habit of being ourselves in the world, following on this expected path of,  you know, you go to school, maybe you go to college, you get a job. And, you follow this pathway, and you do a lot of what you think you should do, and it feels good for a while until it doesn't, until you get this kind of niggle that what am I missing?

Is this all there is? And if you are at an age or a stage, and that can be young and bloody old, where you say I will, I'm committed to living as much as I can, a life where I minimize the regrets that I'm going to have at the end of my life. And that really takes being quite brave when it comes to who do you think you are. 

It means that you choose to investigate that in a very open-minded and open-hearted way.  Who do I think I am?  Is the  “I”  that I am living and expressing right now in my life, is that truly who and all I wish to be and become?  Or is there more in me that I would like to bring to light during my time on this planet? 

It's a serious, I don't know, I think that's a really, really serious inquiry.  Who do I think I am? Who do I take myself to be? And often you know the who do I take myself to be is not who we are. It's an awful lot less than who we truly are.  Often we've taken ourselves to be people who aren't that smart,  who can't accomplish things, who aren't very persistent or resilient or disciplined, or a whole load of other things. 

And I don't think that's often who we've taken ourselves to be, isn't who we are capable of being.  So I really think something really interesting happens  when we  stop sort of pushing down our desire for

It's kind of like if you imagine, you know, you're in a swimming pool and maybe there's like a,  a,  one of those flotation things, whether it's a ball or something else, and you're trying to push it below the surface to deny what's really there. It feels like that. You can do it for a while,  but it takes effort and it's not very pleasant and it's not very easeful. 

And surely there's a better way.  Surely there's a better way.  I think we need to be grateful for where we are. I think that's a very positive practice that opens us up. I don't think that wanting more precludes us from expressing and feeling grateful for what we do have.  I think gratitude is an important part of the journey. 

And I don't think that we should mistake this kind of message of, you should be grateful for what you have as gratitude, that often that's settling.  Because if you have some pull within you that feels like there's got to be more,  and you're feeling a little niggle within you, then you can be grateful for what you do have and explore what more you could invite into your life. 

So let's talk about what this actually looks like from a practical perspective.  Because it's one thing to understand that,  you know, where this voice is coming from, the who do, who do I think I am, or who do you think you are,  but what do we actually do when we hear that voice?  Whether it's coming from others,  as kind of I was hearing indirectly from one member of my family when I was being ridiculed for something that I'd done, or whether it's,  you know, the voice in your own head. 

And here are some, I'm just going to share with you maybe three powerful ways that you can respond.  When you hear that message to kind of stay small, stay in your lane, and not expand.  And the first thing is Name It To Tame It.  The first step is, is really recognizing the voice for what it actually is. 

When you hear that, Who Does She Think She Is message, whether it's that direct criticism or that subtle suggestion to, you know, be realistic,  pause.  And name it, like, ah, there it is, there it is. That's the message that says I should stay small. And just naming it takes away some of its power. Because once you see it for what it is, you can't unsee it. 

You can't unsee it.  And you start to realize,  this isn't about you not being enough. This is about others being uncomfortable with your growth. 

So the second thing that you can do is to answer that with action.  So instead of defending or explaining yourself, you take one small action that reinforces that inherent right that you have as a creative human being to want more.  So maybe it's simple actions like you speak up in a meeting, even when you feel pressure to stay quiet, you share your view, your opinion. 

Maybe you send the email pitching your idea; the one that somebody else might say, Oh, they're never going to listen to you, or,  That's never going to fly. You send the email anyway. One small action.  Maybe you set that boundary, even when it makes other people feel uncomfortable.  When you're looking to expand into more of yourself and choose yourself, other people aren't, there are going to be people in your environment who aren't going to be too happy about that.

And if you have any people-pleasing tendencies, it's going to be particularly tricky and you're going to need to set these boundaries. So maybe it's that setting the boundary, saying no, even when it feels uncomfortable.  That's taking up more space.  Take up more space without apologizing. 

So each small action is a way of answering, you know, Who Does She Think She Is? Who Do I Think I Am? when you're not quite believing. 

And next you want to create evidence. So this is the third thing. I love this. I love this, because so often, because of the way our minds work, we focus on the negative messages. Like, the negative, like,  Who do you think you are? What are you doing? You can’t write a book!  You can’t start a business!  You can’t get that promotion!

We focus on that because we're kind of hardwired with the negativity bias to kind of self protect  and to put our attention there. So really we need to create evidence that contradicts the limiting voice. And it's like a Proof List or, I often do a top 10  of, you know, maybe times when I've surprised myself when things have gone better than I imagined that they would, or than I expected that they would.

This is something that I  often do with my kids, I'm a parent of three kids, when  I'm parenting and they're having challenges, and I'm looking for them to really choose themselves and just have, you know, to be optimistic, expect the best - expect a positive outcome.

And when something happens, when they were stressing over, Oh my God, it's never going to work! and then we get them, I get them to a place where they take the chance, and they take the action, and then it turns out well, and they're in such a much better mood than they were before they did the thing.  I always get them to pause and feel into that.

And to remember how their mind and their thoughts were lying to them and telling them all sorts of BS about how it wouldn't work out, they couldn't do it, they shouldn't try it, and all the rest of it. So I think it's so important because of the way our minds work. We forget the positive stuff. They say that, our minds are like Teflon for the positives - so we really want to hang on to them. So you have to take action to capture them.

 So write it down, write it down. Moments you've chosen yourself. You've taken that chance on yourself and it worked out and maybe also just kind of reflecting on where you are today compared to how you used to be, or where you used to be, and what you've achieved, and how you behave. 

Noting that down, and kind of saying, Oh, actually, I'm  much more outspoken in these situations where I normally sat quiet, and didn't give my opinion. I contribute much more. I've learned so much more in this business area than I used to know whatever it is.  Capture it and write it down, make it your Proof List or whatever you want to call it.

In my first book I used to call, I, I call it Damn I'm Fabulous. Damn, I'm Fabulous List. Like I mean, call it whatever the hell you want. Make it, make it fabulous. I'm trying not to curse here.  And that's, that's difficult for me sometimes. Make it bloody amazing, okay?  You really have to own it. You have to own it because nobody's going to give it to you.

You have to really claim it.  So capture those positives and write them down because there are going to be so many more moments when our mind goes to the, Who Do You Think You Are? narrative and we need to be sort of pre-armed with these kind of reflections and recollections and hard evidence of bloody amazing things that we've already done and achieved.

And something that I like to lean into when I'm putting something like this together when I'm putting together this evidence, is  lean on, your best friends -, the ones that really celebrate you.  And, be careful here about who you ask, because you may spend an awful lot of time with somebody, but then they may not be capable of being someone who would celebrate your success.

And that is hard to admit and to acknowledge when you're thinking about the people that are around you.  So choose wisely and who you ask here.  But if you're finding it difficult to lean in and kind of think about the great things that you've achieved and done, and, and how you are, and your qualities that really are such shiny, sparkly ways of being that you can't sometimes see yourself as being a real asset. I'd speak to somebody who's close in your circle, who's a dear friend, and ask them to remind you of how damn fabulous you are because we forget this. 

So lean on them and ask them.  And what's really powerful is that every time that you choose yourself, in small and big ways, you're creating more evidence to add to this list.

It's not just a list, it's a goddamn file. You know, it's really, it should be big and fat and juicy and you need to own it.  And it becomes such a powerful resource when the inevitable doubt arises when you are walking this path of choosing yourself and saying, Listen, I'm not here to be on the sidelines.

I'm not here to make up the numbers. And you damn well aren't here to make up the numbers. And lots of us behave like we are.  Because it seems like we need to be anointed into some, I don't know, sacred sect of the special people to be able to go for it. And going for it means different things for different people. 

What I consider going for it, for me personally, is going to be very different from what you want, what you aspire to, what's going to light you up.  But everybody deserves to live into the full expression of themselves. I believe it's why we're here.  I believe it's why we're here.  So, you want a little bit of podcast homework?

I would love it if you would take that on.  Name It To Tame It when it arises, okay? Answer with action when it does.  Small steps, speaking up, the next obvious action in choosing yourself in the moment, and creating this folder of evidence of your damn fabulousness. 

And you call it something bloody amazing.  Okay?

This is what I want you to remember. That voice,  that voice questioning, Who Do You Think You Are?  It shows up most loudly when we're stepping outside the Comfort Zone and when we're ready for a breakthrough - right before we're ready to expand, right before you're about to choose yourself in a bigger way. 

So the next time you hear it, I want you to just smile and say, Ah, I must be on to something good. Something juicy, exciting, and big is on the horizon and coming my way.  Okay?  I want to,  I have it here somewhere, yeah. I want to read you this.  Just to remind you, this is from Marianne Williamson and it's probably very familiar to you. 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light and not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, who am I?  Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be?”  

And it goes on, 

“You're playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.  We are all, we are all meant to shine.” 

Thank you so much for spending this time with me.  I look forward to the next time.  Take care. Be well.